My weakness.

I feel as though I have lost so many opportunities with dancing because I have had to put university first. It really upsets me when I think of how I could have grown if I didn't have to prioritise with university. Often, when I hear about the opportunities and experiences of others, I wonder if that could have been me if I didn't have other commitments dragging me down. I realise that in the long run, ensuring I have an education will mean a secure and stable job I can depend on, but as a dancer, not being able to take these experiences has set me back greatly.

Many of my amazing friends are also very talented dancers who continuously inspire me. They all push me to want to be a stronger and better dancing. I want to be able to work as hard and as fast as I can to improve and I hate feeling held down. Every time I have the privilege to share a dance class or rehearsal with any of them, I feel so weak in comparison. I really feel as sense of disgust in myself when I dance beside them and look into the mirror. All I can see is a stiff, horrid dancer. I don't ever feel I'll be anything in comparison to them no matter how hard I try. I always feel a need to prove to myself that I'm a good dancer and that I am improving, but at the end of the day, I always feel let down.

I really lack confidence in myself, not as a person, as a dancer. It's not something I have very openly shared before, I’m just hoping that having shared it, I'll now begin to change my mind set.
I realise that I probably come across as a confident person in class or in rehearsals, but I put on a brave face. It's gotten harder with time, as people have continued to improve; I have felt a little more unsure of my own ability. I really don't feel I have a lot to bring as a dancer and I'm hoping with time, I can become strong and surer of myself.

I think sometimes you just need that encouragement, you need someone to say, 'hey, you did really well' to lift your spirit. I do try and focus on the positive and not the negative, but when you feel as though you’re working so hard your body is going to break and no one even notices, you start to crumble inside.

This is my way of starting from the inside to strengthen my outside.